Moments of grace come unexpectedly.

Good Morning

A little morning serenade for you, from Carina Round.

Carina Round | A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

It may be small but it is my anchor

It's funny how one little letter can have so much meaning. This is my new tattoo. The letter I in Times New Roman font. After years of trying to figure myself out, I realize how often I lose myself; to work, to school, to love. I need a reminder. This is it. This is my anchor.

Next year I'm going to move to Montreal. I'm going to live on my own and work hard at it. In high school I never had any goals. Now that I have them, the most difficult part is realizing that hard work is how you get it. This time is set aside for me. After focusing on my family and taking care of my almost eight-year old little brother since he was born, I finally have the chance to think about myself.

My mind is as taut as harp strings. I have fantasies of my future apartment that will smell like baked cookies. It will be full of plants and scattered paper. I can already picture myself sitting at a desk in front of a window, my hair messy with bags under my eyes from writing essays and short stories for school.

These fantasies are songs that play in my head. It keeps me going and I tap my fingers to their rhythm.

I feel most at home at night. There is a stillness that I want to capture, a mystery that I want to hide in. At night I can be anything, I can let go. The dark hugs me comfortably.

A new breath

Sitting on a desk in the 6th floor of the Vancouver Central Public Library, I'm supposed to be working on the third installation of my novella for Creative Writing class. But here I am, staring at the fantastic depth of field out my window created by the towering apartment buildings. Do you think whoever planned out the city thought about what it would look like at certain angles? Would he have sat back after making the blueprint and closed his eyes and imagined what the cityscape would look like from the 6th floor of the library, third desk from the escalators?

If you look at the view of the buildings in Brussels, you will see character. The city has gone through many phases and disasters. There was a fire that engulfed most of the wooden buildings and they found themselves having to rebuild.



Many people I spoke to found it ugly. I thought it was beautiful. I started to compare it to other cities. For example, Paris, will always be nonchalantly charming. But if these cities were people, I would choose Brussels as my friend. Brussels has gone through many things and is not afraid to hide it. Looking at the cityscape of the city would be looking at its past, its mistakes and accomplishments.

This is how I want to live my life. I am not afraid to show what I have done, even if it was stupid and full of mistakes and in turn will keep a modest outlook even on my accomplishments. I regret nothing and bare all. But even as I say this, I know I am still in the making. Even now, I can feel myself preparing for something bigger than this. Everything I am doing is merely preparation for the things I am capable of. I have to keep moving, I have to keep growing.

I just turned twenty-two and since then, I've felt like I have grown up so much. This has been one of the most difficult years of my life. Learning about yourself is a hard thing, especially when you're your own teacher. We're all just experiments most of the time. For me, it felt like being by myself was the control and being placed in my first relationship, let alone a long distance one was a variable. I couldn't understand myself unless I saw it in a different situation. I'm not saying that it takes a man for a woman to realize who she is. That's what I feared for the longest time. But I realized that gender has nothing to do with it. I'm used to all types of love but I have never experienced romantic love let alone from a best friend. I guess what I'm trying to articulate so poorly is that sometimes you just have to let your guard down and let someone else love you. Don't be selfish. Sometimes all you need is a companion.

Whoa. A pigeon just walked by the window sill and it terrified me because I thought it was a person. Remember how I said I was on the 6th floor?