Random Memory

I think I was about four years old. We were still in the Philippines then and we all slept beside each other on the floor. There would always be bugs every now and then, mosquitoes amongst other things but this particular time, I was bitten by a gigantic cockroach on the eye. It swelled up pretty big. That's pretty much all I remember.

Wandâfuru raifu (After Life)

What is the one memory you would take with you?



"At the time, I searched desperately inside myself for any memory of happiness. Now, fifty years later I've learned I was part of someone else's happiness. What a wonderful discovery. You too... someday will find this."



I watched this film Wandâfuru raifu (After Life) directed by Hirokazu Koreeda and it gets you thinking about your own life. The basic synopsis of this film: After people die, you stay in a place for a week, and you have to choose one memory in your life that you will live in for the rest of eternity. It does not matter what type of person you were in your previous life, whether good or bad, everybody ends up here. You have 3 days to choose and a small group of staff help you remember, then eventually recreate it into film to refresh your mind. Eternity follows.




This got me reminiscing and thinking about all the things i`ve done in my life. I cannot think of one specific memory I would love to live in for all eternity but if I was under the same pressure, it would certainly make a difference on my decision making. Instead of thinking hard enough for a memory that`s worth an eternity, all I keep thinking about now is my future, of all the opportunities I can have to make new memories. Get back to me 50 years from now and maybe then, I would be satisfied enough to make a clear decision.

1965 Sunbeam Tiger

So I`m walking home after buying some trench coats, books and a new teapot from the thrift store when this car pulls up in front of me, looking petite, charming and inviting. A 1965 Sunbeam Tiger. I watch in awe as it passes by and i`m not usually one to ogle at cars but this one had a certain je ne sais quoi about it. I just imagined the driver to be this man wearing a nicely tailored suit, ducktail hair, stylish but modest shoes, a little mustache and a red tie. That would`ve been the scenario in my head but in reality, he was just a middle aged man wearing sweats.

A List of things I am currently obsessing about (in the most harmless interpretation of the word)

( photograph via cerebral museum )

1- TRAVELING

I have such an itch to go somewhere that my heartbeats whenever I see an airplane, trains, anything that can transport me to somewhere unknown and foreign, somewhere I can indulge in new feelings and adventures. I want the long voyages, the isolation, the tribulations, man vs. nature. More specifically, I want to go to exotic, uncharted and extreme places, places most people can only reach in their sleep, amidst dreams.

2- MY LIST OF THINGS TO ACCOMPLISH SO I CAN ENHANCE MYSELF

I started this list whilst traveling, just things that nag in my head, things that i want to do because this is how I see myself in the future. I want to make all this happen. I now believe in myself so much, not to the point of being oblivious to failure but enough to dare to even try.
Examples of things on my list: Become a photographer for National Geographic, get published, read Braille, pick up tap dancing (again), grow a spice garden

3- COOKING/BAKING

After returning from my trip around Europe, I had a spirit of a European (pastry)chef possess me and ever since I got back, I have been cooking but mostly baking almost everyday. I started with crepes, then cream puffs, spinach dip, tortilla chips, cookies, cherry pie, blue berry pie, etc etc. I can't stop. And I don't think I want to.

4- SOUTHERN UNITED STATES

I'm actually quite ignorant about the Southern United States but something about it draws me in. Maybe I used to live there in a past life or maybe this interest sparks from the movies I've seen and books I've read about Southern hospitality, gentility and their manners. It could also be this mystery surrounding the stereotypes about the culture that I want to shatter and unearth. I want to know about their history, every bit of it, the good and the bad, the fantasized and the gritty. There's also something oddly fascinating that draws me into the sing song accent that they have. I'm completely charmed.

5- WRITING TO MYSELF (more than usual)

I have always wrote letters to myself, sometimes to my old self, most times to my future self and not quite as much to my present self. But lately it hasn't even spanned into a letter but just little notes everywhere, in my lap top's notepad, in books that i'm reading, scrap pieces of paper I can find anywhere, my wrist, some tissue, etc. For example, on the ceiling above my bed, I have these words in big bold letters: "Get up, your life is waiting." It's motivation for me. I have so many goals to accomplish that I need a push, even if it's from myself, it's reassuring that I want to do something so bad that I will listen to myself, not just others.

(EDIT)

6- TRUE BLOOD

NO EXPLANATION NEEDED.

15 Significant Books in My Life (at the moment)

List fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. Please note which books you recommend the most. These ones are what stick out at the moment. These books taught me important lessons in my life in no particular order.



1-Light in the Attic
by: Shel Silverstein



First time I ever received a book from a friend was with this book. Emily gave it to me in elementary school and I always treasured it.

`Last night while I lay thinking here
Some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
And pranced and partied all night long
And sang their same old Whatif song:

Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?...`

2- Siddhartha
by: Herman Hesse



Reading this opened up my mind to a bigger picture. I used this quote and put it in a locket and wore it everywhere to keep as a mantra and to help me go on through the monotonous days.

`This was his thirst, his sorrow`


3-Catcher in the Rye
by: J.D. Salinger



I know everybody will have this book but the story is not necessarily why I picked this but because this was what I was reading in a particular time in my life and I kept secrets and other memorabilias pressed in my torn and old version of this book.

4- David Copperfield
by: Charles Dickens



This one taught me that everybody has their own story. No matter how you see people or not see them, there`s more to everybody than what they portray. There are experiences and hardships that are beyond your imagination and only they have been through. Plus it taught me to wish that maybe when i`m older I can get paid to write by the word (This is nt actually acurate, Charles Dickens was paid by installments)

5- The Chrysalids
by: John Wyndham



MLS! Really opened my imagination.

6-Tess of the D'urbevilles
by: Thomas Hardy



This is a cautionary tale for me. Be careful of people you meet, how you act, what you say and even if you`re the most careful person in the world who doesn`t even dare to swim after eating, the love of your life can betray you because humans suck and so does fate and you can end up with everything lost and yourself hung for murder.

7-HP books
by: J.K. Rowling



I grew up with the gang. They were my obsession.

8-To Kill a Mockingbird
by: Harper Lee



Great story. Atticus is my ideal father.

9-Pride and Prejudice
by: Jane Austen



This is why i`m a hopeless romantic, because of a great, witty writer who ironically died a spinster. It was also the beginning of my interest in classic novels.

10-Persuasion
by: Jane Austen



There are always second chances and it is usually rewarded to the patient and modest people.

11-The Giver
by: Lois Lowry



Fantastic book. Made me appreciate our society and the freedom that live within it.

12- World Atlas



We used to have a gigantic one at home and I always sat on top of it, dreaming of living in a new and foreign place every six months.

13- Welcome to the Monkey house
by: Kurt Vonnegut



Creativity is best served witty and random.

14- Thesaurus



Best invention ever.

15- The Arch of Kerguelen:Voyage to the Islands of Desolation
by: Jean-Paul Kauffmann



This is for right now. I`m currently obsessing over frozen voyages through the North or South Pole, of sailing through desolate and tempestuous waters and discovering lonely isles in the middle of nowhere.


Honorable Mentions: Dictionary, The Bible

Blame it on the rain!

It's raining right now and my mother,
in her bathrobe as I cooked a mushroom omelet,
started to sing this song in a slow, folk voice.
The dancing ensues.

A very warm August Christmas.

I've started listening to Christmas songs by Bing Crosby before going to sleep. I truthfully had nothing better to listen to so I decided on putting on something completely random. It turned out to be a good choice.

Listening to him puts me in a weird warm, trusting and comforting mood. I wish I had a man in my life who has this ability, voice and talents so I will forever be inspired by him, feel at ease and feel like I have a comforter around me hugging me every night and day. It's an odd discovery I made, I sleep better, dream whimsically and am lulled to sleep by his soothing voice. As lame as this sounds, it feels like Christmas, like a promise of everything being better. Is this strange?

"The true genius shudders at incompleteness - and usually prefers silence to saying something which is not everything it should be. "
Edgar Allan Poe

This is exactly how I feel, Mr. Poe has shot at it spot on. Not that i'm saying i'm a genius but the fact that this is the reason why I do not show any of my work to anyone, sometimes not even myself. It is not that I think it's not good enough or i'm shy about it, it's the fact that I don't feel that it is complete. I don't feel that I need to show the world what I can do when it isn't the best of what I can do. I don't want to release one of my works then look back years later and think this is terrible, I forgot to add this and that. My thoughts are an on going flow of a river and I continue to add to it everyday. I also do not compromise. This is the most terrible thing you can bring upon yourself. Everything deserves more than mediocre.

We all wish to be remembered.

We all wish to be remembered.
Photographs, blogs, notes, letters, postcards, tattoos, name tags, graffiti, songs, poetry, etc. We try to leave a piece of our brain in suitcases, random drawers, in the street, people's minds, everywhere. We all want to be heard, seen, felt, touched. This is our making. Self preservation.